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Writer's Block: Checklist for Eternity

If you could live forever how would you spend your time?
I'd want to travel anyway but by car. Trains, sailboats, elephants and camels. Ferries too. Big boats, small boats, canoes, kayaks, 900 foot cruise ships.

I met a guy who was interested in buying my boat and I asked him why he lived on Rota. He had just finished sailing around the world. Both oceans, all the continents except Antarctica, the whole shebang. He spent 15 years doing it. I was insanely jealous. He actually met his wife somewhere along the way, and she left everything behind to go with him. Now they're retired (no idea from what) and living in beautiful Rota. I only dream that ant and I could do something like that. I always dream big, something about landing in the stars?

I go to six flags for the funnel cake.

My favorite summer memory of all time was the summer after my junior year at CU. Near the beginning of the summer, Sarah and I invested in season passes at Elitche's. She was working a job in down town Denver, I was a bus driver in Boulder. We both had summer bus passes and hours to kill so we'd meet up somewhere for dinner and go to Elitche's. Sometimes we'd stay for hours. Sometimes we'd buy funnel cake and leave without riding a damn thing. We never had a bad time. The experience of not feeling like I had to get my $50 worth in the next five hours totally changed my perspective of the joys an amusement park could hold.

I think the math of actual pass cost divided by times used made it so that we paid $7 or so for each trip. I think the passes were worth about $60 although with various coupons and discounts neither of us paid that.

 The pride associated with knowing where the camera is on every ride in the place is unmatched in my heart. Or riding the Mind Eraser so many times we would start talking about dinner plans and we'd watch the horizon and pretend like we were fighter pilots (as opposed to thinking the horizon was moving instead of us). I loved it. These memories are cherished more than almost any others.

One evening, we were riding the old wooden Twister II. They were supposed to have shut the ride down but enough of us begged them that they let us ride it one more time. Most of us had been on the ride for 5-6 loops straight already. The operator told us we could ride but we had to scream the whole time. So we did. Most people gave out sometime after the first hill but not Sarah. And when her voice started to break and the scream went from high pitch to low, I was laughing so hard I couldn't stop crying. Even now I'm giggling about it.

There were some days where we'd meet up and head over and we'd both be all blazzy and lame. All it took was one ride on the Sidewinder or the Half pipe and life was better. To this day I know no better way to relax than that.

This is my strongest summer memory.
Now that my sailboat is sold and is no longer mine, I miss it. I can't wait to find another better one. I entertain many daydreams of sailing around the world with Anthony. I won't miss pumping the bilge or paying the monthly slip fee. But the times we did go out and actually feel the wind take us, it was so relaxing and fun in a way I didn't know was possible. I'll miss that. I don't have a 'life checklist' but if I did, owning a sailboat would be checked off. I'd also have to add 'sail across an ocean' to the list. I think 'around the world is a bit large for a workable dream. An ocean can be done in a couple months.

Is it bad that I'm already doing research to see what all I'd need to do to pull it off? (besides the boat, of course.)


Black Punks

I have a lot to say that was brought to mind by this article. Right now it's jumbled and all that comes out is that the author of this essay feels what I feel. Her words resonated within me.

"Just because you think racism is wrong does not mean you are not a racist."


I've had brushes with racism throughout my life but meeting peole who could say things like, "I'm not racist I just really don't like asians. Haha so maybe I am racist, it's not my fault" causes me internal stress. For one thing, that they don't register that it's offensive to me and I'm not even asian at all. I just feel for all the millions and millions of asians from Russia to Hawaii who have been discounted as one group for no apparent reason.

I also can't help but wonder what they say of black people when I'm not around. It's possibly one of the worst feelings I know, to know people are uncomfortable to speak around you because they're normally using words and phrases that I find horribly offensive. Even to hear black people use these terms is hurtful. We haven't taken anything back, only given everyone else one more thing to make fun of. It was a nice try. But it's hard enough for people to recognize their advantages gained as a result of white privalege. Getting them to see why it's so much worse for them to use these words than for us to is a bit more than the average brain can handle at this point.

It's an argument I don't touch with a ten foot pole because I care too much about it. I can't argue well when I'm so passionate for something because I get flustered. And more likely than not, my partner in this argument will never know or relate to the things I've gone through that brought me to the position I take today.

I can't decide how I feel about that.

In other news, my younger step sister is coming to visit. She'll be here in 5 hours. In my experience she only hangs out with me when there's something she wants from me. It wasn't until maybe last year that we hung out with no 'buy me liquor, drive me here, etc.' hanging over our heads. I'm so intrigued that I could almost forget that Ben's been here for 7 weeks and I just finally got the house back to myself. All I'm saying is, Omaha to Guam is not a cheap trip. I don't know if I should feel flattered or terrified.


Fair Winds

Fair Winds and Calm Seas to Ben Roberts.

He's on his way around the world now after being stuck in Guam for over a month.

He was great company though I'm as happy as he is that he's begun the rest of his journey. 

Writer's Block: Less Than Idle Hands

Do you have any odd nervous habits?
I pull out hair. I've done since as long as I remember. I aslo used to eat my hair but I quit that. It peaked my freshman year of college when I'd look the next day and there were piles of hair next to my homework or computer or whatever. At that point, I was actually pulling perfectly fine hairs out of my scalp, root and all. I remember being stoned and running my hands through my fluffy hair, seeking out the especially kinky crazy hairs, I always went for those ones. Every now and then I'd pull out a really thin and fine hair. Those are almost always blond, which I find awesome.

I didn't believe how bad I had it unitl I saw my wedding video. I did it through the entire post ceremony bit.

Now I've mostly quit but it still comes up on me every now and then. Also, how bad it can get is in relation to how long my hair is. Right now, the longest isn't long enough to tuck behind my ears. It's nto long enough for me to really get into the pulling much, requires my arms to stay up in the air too much. As it grows out, it'll get worse, I know.

I have no idea how to break this habit.


So when I found this site, Neighborhoodies, I was thrilled. You can choose your city and from there is a second drop down list of all the various neighborhoods in it. But you can imagine my surprise when Denver was not there. Especially since places like Omaha and other smaller cities are there. So I wrote them, to see if they could add Denver. It's obvious to me that most of the places and their hoods are a result of requests just like mine would be. What follows is the reply I received.

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I heart transportation systems

I want my kids to be like this.

I've always been a fan of public trans systems. I got to know buses and light rails well enough during high school to navigate almost the entire metro area. College only made it better. When I travel to places, one of my first impressions is based on what kind of public transportation they offer. My favorite part of Japan is transferring because I look around and all I see is everyone including myself and whoever I'm with is trying to figure out which platform to go to next to complete their journey. In Japan, cellphones come with the ability to map a route including transfers and options for private/express/shinkansen lines. I love it. i I can only hope riding trains and buses is an enjoyment my children will learn.


Writer's Block: Phobias

Do you have a remarkable phobia? Does your phobia have a large impact on your life?
I don't know that I have any phobias in the sense that they're in my medical record or anything. I have issues with the dark leftover from my young years. I won't freak out if I ahve to sleep in the dark though. I hate opening those biscuit things that pop. Or doing anything else that results in a sudden loud noise. Slamming doors startle me in a big way. I don't think any of these things actually count as 'remarkable.' Maybe just a bit weird.

Oh oh oh! I get really nervous when I'm in water where I can't see/reach/feel the bottom. In that order. If I can see the bottom but can't touch it that's tolerable. When I can't see the bottom clearly things get shaky. If it's murky and I can touch but not really see, that's a bit better. But when I'm out in the water and there's nothing but darkness below me, I have trouble remembering to breathe normally.

So yeah. There's that, too.

Jul. 24th, 2008

Today I'm restless. I went to a disaster drill as a volunteer for the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society. It was scheduled from 0800-1200 and involved a lot of different agencies. There were even other volunteers who were supposed to be 'victims'. Problem was those folks weren't slated to show until 0900 and didn't start going to see anybody for help until 0945. I left at 1000 for a dentist appointment. Looking back, the dentist appointment was the highlight of my day. Something about getting my teethies cleaned after a year of water with no fluoride.

The rest of the day, nothing happened. I had no errands or anything else I wanted to do. I tried to cut up some tshirts but got frustrated ad decided to put i away before I made an unfixable mistake. I imagine it was a simple lack of motivation that caused me to post up on my couch all afternoon. Most of the day I actually felt slightly out of wack almost like being high but not. I had even managed to skid out on the way home by taking a turn too fast in the rain (perfect speed for normal weather but instant hydroplane otherwise) and it didn't even phase me.

And even for this lack of desire to do anything, I'm restless. I don't get it. I'm sleepy but awake and frustrated but there's no obvious reason why. All I can tell is social interactions are not being fun for me today. I on and off considered going out by myself but there's nowhere I can go to actually escape people. Except the jungle I suppose but then I may never make it back out and that's a lose lose for everyone involved.

Leave it to Stumble to raise my spirits if only for a few minutes at a time.