in my life, one of the (sad) truths of life has been that more weight is given to who you know than what you can actually do. I made friends with other bus drivers before I even applied to be a bus buddy at CU. I was hired at a grocery store mostly because I knew a long time employee. The best qualifications in the world don't help if you don't have someone to put in a word for you.

I felt like this was working against me while I tried to land the indexing job at WordCo. One of the elders and I shared a mutual friend. Beyond that I had nothing, no experience or clearly helpful training. I can type fast and accurately but that only goes so far. I tried to make up for this with enthusiasm for the work at hand but at first that just seemed to make the elders uncomfortable. I guess even they don't go so far as to say they're crazy for indexing. After a month, I was finally in an interview with them, usually a sign that you're home clear so long as you don't eff up. I spent a month after that wondering what went wrong that they chose to go with someone else. The only sticky thing was when they'd asked if I could commit to being with the company two years. I later found out this is an illegal question though I feel that refusing to answer it would be taken as a 'no I might be gone next weekend.'

The time commitment thing has come up more than once in my short life as a military wife. Yes yes everyone loves what our service members do for the nation but they aren't so thrilled to hire the spouses who clearly cannot say, without a doubt, they won't be going anywhere. What bugs me is it's not as if the rest of society has no travel bugs or floaters.

I lied and told him we were supposed to be stationed in Groton for a while. I told the truth when saying, but I can't say--anything can happen. At the time we still thought we'd be leaving for Japan in July; now that's changed. We'll probably be here til November now, which isn't so bad.


I'd been stewing about this missed job opportunity ever since. I'd been trying to get any other job I could find and started volunteering again, if only for something to do. The aforementioned mutual friend had a 70th bday grand gala where I ran into the elder. We chatted for a moment then parted. It was not two weeks after that when my phone rang. Imagine my surprise when a couple weeks ago my phone rings and the ID says 'WordCo.' (I really like to think the two are vaguely related.)

At the end of my rejection phone call, the president had said he'd like to keep me in mind for later in the year but I figured it was an effort to let me down easy. What a good feeling to find out it's true!

So I went to work on Friday and was told I'd probably take home a bit of simple work over the weekend, then do a half day on Monday. I worked 8 hours on Monday and Tuesday and another 6 on Thursday. They put me right to work doing some  indexing and I actually enjoyed doing it.

Yesterday the president called and offered me an official part time job. I worked very hard to not squeal at him, even when he said I had 'proven to be a very good worker and good at the basics of indexing which is, uh, really, all we do, so..' He talks in an amusing way. The pay is slightly less since I'm not freelancing but it's negligible. To think I might make enough to warrant filing taxes is fascinating.

I've never had such a well paying job. I've definitely never had a job I was so at ease with. That we're here later than planned actually works out quite well. We'll be moving around the same time probably that they'll stop needing extra help. Hopefully by then he will have given me a copy of the totally awesome and nerdy program they use and then I can go on to be a freelancer with some awesome prior experience.

Training starts next week. I guess after making me do a couple off the wall indexes, they'd like me to actually know how it all works? This makes me smile.

Three weeks ago, Ant got a phone call saying the detailers were going to issue orders for his whole class by Friday because after that their money was going to be frozen for a while. Thrilled as we were, we also wondered why the guy didn't just issue ours three weeks earlier. He told us he wanted to write orders for the whole class at once. That he chose to do this now is biting us in the ass.

But we sighed in relief and felt pity for those who wouldn't be getting their orders for an unknown period of time.

Then the week passed and nobody in class had gotten theirs. Then another week passed. One guy received his--he was staying here so that was easy to write orders for.

A couple days ago, Ant brought home a rumor that potentially anyone who hadn't received orders already would be waiting until the start of the next fiscal year, 1 October. Let me clarify. They won't receive orders until 1 October. The soonest they could move after that would be three weeks.

We are now in this category along with about 14,000 other sailors. The only ones exempt are people separating, going to fight the Global War on Terrorism, going to Nuclear School (gotta love the nukes now), or doing military education. The rest of us get to sit tight and be patient.

[As I try to go back to the website that I originally found all of this on, I'm getting 'authorized users only' messages. No idea why.]


There are plus sides. Anthony's in a school so after it finishes in July, he'll be in temporary assignment. This means he has nothing to do and can come home early every day, if he even goes in. Any other time, he'd be on a boat or somewhere else where he'd have a normal job 6 days a week. Also, since we've already allocated money for our summer trip, now we can take it anyway. Maybe even take a train.

It's not so bad but I'm pissed anyway.

I've stopped apologizing unnecessarily. This causes me to really think about my responses and reactions in certain situations, which is good. Instead of saying 'oh I'm sorry' I come up with more interesting things. I can't think of an example just yet.

summer.

when I read, I have an ocd-ish impulse to continue reading all the way through a piece. I hate putting a book down between chapters. If I start reading a cereal box, I don't stop until I've read every bit of text. When I read a form, I'm compelled to read all the fine print. People offering credit cards and other loop hole filled junk dislike this aspect of me. Even when reading mass published books, I find errors. They always jump out at me like they're printed in green or something. Could I be an editor? I tend to only notice grammar/spelling types of things. Not so much poor sentence structure althugh maybe with time that will begin to jump out too. Seems like editing requires both but I only excel at the one. Should I pursue such a career anyway? Right now I edit my friends' work for fun. It really is fun. Plus I get first crack at things which feels fancy.


I really feel like this is my thing but I have no idea how to go about making a living out of it.

le sigh.

Also I'm really good at helping people understand things via metaphor. That is something that I really have no clue how to make money off of. Maybe some sort of tutoring I guess...

it's been so long sine I posted I can't even remember what the last one was about. I'm ok with it, life's been busy here. And now, bed time.

The dark, being singled out, being left alone (especially in the dark!). 

For some reason I really love this although I somehow doubt this kid will remember this happening on his own when he's older. He will remember because everyone will tell him the story over and over again throughout his childhood. Memories sure are weird like that.
Picture found here.

Today we sent out our cats' blood draws. Now, all that's left is to get their flights all set up for Japan. Oh and get those pesky orders. But I've decided if Anthony thinks this actually going to happen, then I may was well. And if it falls through, oh well.

I really want to go to Japan now that it's a possiblity. After many months of pretending like I didn't study Japanese for years, I'm suddenly drawn to it again. I'm playing my kanji game on my DS and I'm watching anime without subs, trying my hand at interpreting. The cobwebs seem to be shaking lose. I love the feeling. I realize I miss school. As much for the learning as for the meeting of most of my closest friends, I often wish I were back. Not single or anything I've never been so happy as with Anthony but it takes me years to make friends and when we move every 1.5 years that makes it rough.

I tried to get us over to our neighbors' house for a superbowl party they had last night.

"But you don't even like football and neither do I."

"Yeeaah" I said, "but if we're ever going to make friends, this is a good way to start."

"What's the point when we're leaving in less than 8 months anyway?"





I turned on the wii and we blew up tanks until halfway through the 3rd quarter of the game, then watched the thrilling end.


I don't know who's more right. We find ourselves sitting around being bored but since I have no good reason to talk to neighbors, I don't. I was never much for randomly stopping by anyone's place. 

I only hope that when we finally stay put somewhere for more than a year, we can start making friends and hanging out with other peoples.




Also, we're totally going to make a dress form out of me tonight. I'm excited.

I got an email from the company president and they will be sending me in the snail mail an indexing aptitude test. To see if I would do well at all I guess. Maybe it will be similar to this?

And everyone needs to watch this Retelling of star wars by a chick who's never seen Star Wars. It's funny especially because I'd never seen Star Wars 4-6 untilbassist insisted I watch them all.

EDIT: My husband also insisted I watch them all. Along with a few friends in college. It wasn't until Ben and I were hanging out that I finally did it, though.

</lj>

So that job I'm dying for? The one that said, we'll be contacting you by the end of the week?


They never got back to me. I've been obsessively checking my email all weekend. I just sent an email to the president since that's been my point of contact this whole time. And I hate calling people. So. I hope it's just that they're all space cadets and it's not that they decided I wasn't quite 'it.'

I'm so nervous and hopeful.


Also, I have complex cysts in my right ovary. One burst the other day. It was a 9 on the pain scale. Now, every time I have any sort of pelvic sensations (that aren't good) I'm terrified. The common solution is some combination of surgery and hormone therapy (usually via birth control). I'm not excited about that.

I AM EXCITED ABOUT DISNEYWORLD. More news about that as things are finalized. Disney is giving fantastic deals to military members. Free 5 day all inclusive passes to service members. And super cheap deals for dependents. Also sick discounts on rooms at the park. All of this combined with Anthony being out of school for the next 6 weeks means a trip is totally within our abilities.

I haven't been in forever. I haven't even been on a roller coaster in forever. I'm already planning out which rides we have to do at least twice. And lord knows we can't go to Disneyworld without going to Universal Studios. The Hulk ride? Spiderman 3-d? GAH! 

p.s. we might be going to Japan afterall.

So many things on the horizon. I'm loving it.

I am an Ox! And this is definitely my year so far. And yes I do generally fit the description of an ox. I do sometimes wonder if that's from years of reading horoscopes and such and then internalizing what they tell me my sign is like. I usually find I couldn't imagine being any other way though. (and is couldn't not a word because my spell check always underlines it...)

From an email sent by the president of the company I'd really like to work for.


"We will be in touch with you by the end of the week regarding the next steps."


I really want that to be a 'basically you're hired.' :

I've never been so excited for a job.

I generally try to guess what the worst thing they could say is, followed by what they're most likely to say. I like to think I'm pretty good at guessing what some people want right away. It's much harder on the internet.

Today I look around my house and see the evidence of two scatterbrains living together. There are five different projects half done that I can find. Finishing any one of them would take only an hour. I'm trying not to be too hard because for two weeks we've been focusing on my grandmother's passing so everything else fades. As long as the minimum of kitchen appliances are working, we don't need much else. As long as the internet's working, the buried coffee table and end tables don't matter.

Her memorial service was last Saturday. All of my cousins were in town and Rob flew in from Japan Friday afternoon. Friday night everyone in the house was up until 4am. Half of us were drunk, the other half wondering if maybe 80 for that hotel would have been worth it.

I was still drunk when I woke up the next morning. Everyone's smiling and laughing and discussing how the night unfolded. You almost wouldn't think we were all together for a service. I wanted to be strong. I didn't want to be that crazy lady wailing throughout the event. When I walked into the same church I went to all my life in Omaha, and saw all the people who came on a frigid December morning to pay respect, I realized bottling up and detaching my emotions wouldn't be so easy.

The service itself was really nice. My brother and two older cousins all gave speeches. The other two had been up all night working on theirs. Rob got up there with no paper at all, and winged a five minute speech. It was actually very touching because normally you can't shake him up at all. He's one of those guys who can let everything roll off his shoulders and still look good. Watching him truly struggle to say anything was one of the more touching parts.

My favorite reverend, Rv. Reynolds,  gave a small sermon. He's exactly the sort of guy who has those crazy late night religious shows on public access. In fact, he was that guy for a long time. When you imagine that crazy looking black guy who starts singing instead of talking, getting the entire choir and audience riled up, that's what Rv. Reynolds does. And I had no idea where he was going until he got to the end. The point of the story was that she lived her life knowing she'd be having dinner with Jesus when she died. Boiling it to one sentence makes it sound almost silly but it was during his talk that I realized how true it was.

For a long time, I've been discouraged with how often the people claiming to be the most religious, especially those who go for the Jesus thing, they don't do a damn thing the bible says. And when I think of anyone I know having lived their life anything like the bible requests, my gram stands alone.

She was forever seeing the good in things and the good in people. She was generous even when she had nothing. I can't remember a day where she wasn't doing something for someone else, be it grocery shopping or cutting coupons or running errands. She didn't live like she had nothing, even though she was living on next to nothing. Nothing brought her sprits down. She was always in a good mood, even when pricking her finger and injecting herself with insulin. She always smiled, always thankful to be alive.

These are things about her I don't want to forget. Things I want to have in my life. There's work to be done.

My grandmother died early sunday morning. my plans to spend christmas with ant are now tempered with the reality that nobody ever passes away at a convenient time. The service will be the 26th so I have to be on a plane on the 25th. She was sick for a long time. She hasnt been the gram I rememember so fondly in years. It still hurts. combined with my abdominal pains that won't leave, I'm somewhat of a mess. I have to keep moving. I always hope tomorrow will be better. Suddenly all my complaints about the way my life is seem pointless.

I hope I spend most of my time back home remembering how fun my gram was not how sad we are all now. She would have wanted that, Im sure.

So now I'm employed at three different places. Two of them are 'seasonal' with the opportunity to stay on depending on my performance among other variables. Yesterday I had to go find some shoes as the ones I were wearing were 'out of uniform'. We're really broke right now so I'm trying my best not to buy needlessly. Technically, I had shoes that were acceptable but then it's that whole 'black outfit require black shoes' thing. Brown would've looked bizarre to say the least. I work today, tomorrow, Friday and then sometime next week, at Sears. Saturday and Sunday I drive for Quizno's. And Tuesday will be my training at Macy's. I'm slightly concerned that if I'm working every day, I'm going to get a bit crazy. I hope I don't. I just have to speak up during the scheduling and say 'no that won't work for me.' I hate to do that when everyone else apparently has no life and will work any miserable hours offered.

And it's raining. Blech.

Anything involving the turkey gizzards, pretty much. And the green bean casserole makes me nervous because it varies in tastiness depending on who made it. I enjoy every other thanksgiving staple, especially cranberry sauce and stuffing and potatoes of all sorts.

Moving a lot is part of the stereotypical military life. How often depends on the service; for the Navy it's every two to three years. When I talk about trying to get comfortable in another new place, I feel like people don't quite understand why. I have moved three times in two years. I have lived on two different islands and have taken more miserable flights than you could imagine. And now I'm in this house in Groton, Connecticut. It's big and new and my cats are here and Anthony's here but I'm always antsy and irritable. I can't believe the holiday season is here already. So begins the phone calls from both of our families, wondering when we plan on flying out. Even if we could afford it, we wouldn't go. We've been traveling so much already. We spent way too long in Denver last month. At least now he sees from my point of view. I won't even go into that right now.

I guess this time is a bit more frustrating because we're cash strapped. Not only are we busy trying to furnish a new house and everything, but we're taking a sizable pay cut. Partly it's my fault for not doing my research. In Guam and Hawaii, there is a family services facility that will give you anything that you would need for your kitchen from toasters to plates and flatware and various cookware. The Groton facility doesn't do this. Secondly, on the islands, they'll give you loaner furniture for a few months. Not here. So all the money we weren't planning on spending for these sorts of things is getting spent. And it sucks.

Sitting on air mattresses makes my hip joints hurt. This is the point where I get up and mill around the house until Ant brings the car home.

Yesterday morning, both Ant and I awoke to our hotel room's neighbors having sex at 6am. Not just any sex. Loud, raunchy, wall rocking sex. For a full 40 minutes. The best part was her odd whines, which made me wonder if I sounded like that through a couple layers of drywall. She also (fake) came. I didn't buy it but I think her partner did because he stopped soon thereafter with a final loud bang into the wall.

I can't decide if this was the high or low point of a 3 night stay at a crappy base hotel with possibly the worst customer service I've ever had. Or am I just spoiled to employees who are happy to see people giving money to their business, I don't know.

We are now trying to get settled in a house. It's big and new and blue. I love it.

Usually reading out loud calls to my mind a young classroom and a large illustrated book. Or parents reading to children snuggled in to bed. But now I think of Anthony and me sitting in traffic, taking turns reading to each other. He does all the voices except the main character. We both giggle and ponder and ask questions just like curious children.

On Big Ben (bassist) 's recommendation, I read Interworld while Anthony was underway. It's a young adult novel but a joy to read nonetheless. So I in turn told Anthony to check it out, maybe he'd like it too.

He was laughing within the first pages so I asked him to read aloud to me what got him going.

The only thing about Anthony and books is when he likes a book, he really really likes it. He wants to read it while I'm driving, read it instead of hanging out with company, read it instead of do anything else during his free time. For whatever reason, this irks me. I normally read when in bed and rarely do so at other times.

So when he wanted to read while I drove, I said no and offered a truce. "How about I read it to you, while you drive? You know, like an audio book?"

"Ok!"

And so it went.

It fills gaps of time where we get caught waiting. The place we're going to won't open for twenty minutes? That's cool, he can more actively do the other voices. He can do a voice in a few different styles to see which one fits "a voice like sucking mud" best. What does a sulking, mud sucking voice sound like, anyway?

Time flies.

I'm happy, he's happy, our car is filled with giggles and words. I don't know if this would work so well with other books. I tried to read parts of I Am Legend to him but either the writing wasn't very good or he wasn't so interested. It didn't do as much for either of us. I think it was the bad writing. I haven't been so disappointed in a book in a long time. But that's a whole nother story.


I'm wondering if anyone else enjoys reading outloud these days. Try it with friends! Let me know the results.